2nd X1

It has been suggested that the 1st X1 could not last the full 90 minutes of a game and that a team of reserves/substitutes be assembled.This led to a flurry of activity during the transfer window - but nobody would take Peter. However people have been queuing up to take part.

The 2nd X1 (at the moment) consists of:

Moses: Great in goals in the wet, easily parts the water and is putting pressure on Paul. However Paul has hit back with his GPS - Great Puddle Separator.

Clint Eastwood: Starred in the film 'Play Misty For Me' and hence has an association with Davie. Also took the part of Rowdy Yates in 'Rawhide' - a programme about the after effects of a week in Mosset.

The barmaid at the Merrick: Can't play that well but makes up for it in the showers. Has also agreed to be the team physio and masseuse. It is now difficult to get a team on the park due to the long list of injuries for which a spell on the treatment table is necessary. She has been well warned not to rub Davie up the wrong way. Has been nicknamed 'Lazarus' - something to do with raising the dead.

Fred Goodwin aka Fred the Shred: Team needs a hard man and tough tackler to intimidate the opposition. Fred has never beeen booked or sent off - gets away with murder by apologising to the ref. Once said he wouldn't play football for a pension.

Bill Gates: I.T. expert is needed if/when Johnny goes off - this will depend on what he has been eating or drinking the night before. Used to be the world's richest man but his monopoly on the distribution of software has been hit hard by a little known company working out of Bank Street.

George Michael: Was surfing the net looking for Early Oofters but due to a typing mistake came across us. Liked the look of what he saw when Robert was debagged on the Coran of Portmark walk and thought 'I could do that'. Due to his high profile has asked that his entry to the team should be by the back door. P.S. Worryingly, has not realised he made a typing mistake. Asks what the toilet facilities are.

Justin and Colin (the gay interior designers): Like George were looking for something else on the net. Thought the Early Ooters were about coming out early in life. Have enjoyed the blog and are keen to participate. No use at football but if we need any ball boys...

Muffin the Mule: Most of the squad were brought up on Muffin. It is just as well that Disclosure Scotland was not around when the boys entered the profession, else their careers might not have got off the ground. On second thoughts, might all have ended up as Head Teachers.

A one-eyed clairvoyant called Julian: With his glass eye and crystal balls Julian adds a new dimension when he goes for a tinkle. Lost his eye when hit by a coin thrown from the crowd at a game. Didn't see it coming.

The old geezer from Dollar: following in the traditions of the Old Firm, anyone who has a good game against you is signed up and immediately forgotten about in the reserves. Better to have him on your side rather than playing against him. Used to captain the Friends of Australia Running Teams. After that he became the Official League Director for the Caledonian Universities Netball Teams.

Master Bates and Seaman Staines: these stalwarts of the merchant navy can come on at any time and handle themselves with distinction.

P.S. Ronnie (I married a dolphin*) has agreed to be the team psychologist and motivator!!! So far has also proved to be the good weather talisman.
*Esther was a member of the Maryhill Dolphins Swimming Team, the Mary Dolls for short. Difficult to see the porpoise in falling for a dolphin though.